you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
