My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize