I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
