After last night, I could never be a politician.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm getting married
To pizza
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
