never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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