just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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