Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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