I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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