he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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