Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Such a big mess for such a small penis
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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