I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
