wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
