I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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