I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I sprained my soul last night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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