You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
