Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
