My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize