DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
