there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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