To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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