I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
