dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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