before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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