She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
