sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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