Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
