A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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