New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
