Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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