i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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