it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
