Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
