my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
