she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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