brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
