woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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