You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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