yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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