You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
