Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
