dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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