dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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