u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
