Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize