Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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