I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
