I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We have started to decorate penises.
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I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO