I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend