never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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