and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD