I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.