Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Enjoy the penises
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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