I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
