i just wanna soil my oats bro
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
