I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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