I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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