I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
