I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Found your dick twin last night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
