you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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