She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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