I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
