After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
