Umm I'm too high to move.
Someone shit on the floor
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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