before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
