Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
