you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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