I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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