so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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