It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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