just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
