I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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