Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
