Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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