I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
