I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If that was your dad, he is hot
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
