i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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