Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Damn victory sex feels great
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
