Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
