Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
