I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
