I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
